Notes to Self

• Fighting and fucking is fine, but not at the same time. I’m too old for this shit.
• Have Renfield bone up on Minotaur knowledge.What are their fucking weaknesses?
• Make sure to have weapons hanging around when a FUCKING MINOTAUR attacks you.
• Make sure to carry a “Supe emergency” cure-all kit because shit gets crazy here.
• Be a promoter of my own sexual prowess.
• Either a) grow some wings (literal, not metaphor) or b) Build a pair.
• Note to self about previous note: DON’T build wings out of wax; don’t try to use them to actually fly. Just stand around and look cool.
• Recite dirty limericks during cunnilingus. Make a great “hummer.” (There once was a man from Nantucket/Whose dick was so long he could suck it/And he said with a grin/As he wiped off his chin/”If my ear were a cunt, I would fuck it.”)
• See if the Church will overlook my vampirism and let me become a fucking monk.
• Scratch previous note and become a Buddhist monk.
• When you have too much on your plate, get a bigger fucking plate
• LOCK THE FUCKING DOOR WHEN I SLEEP!
• Make sure not to drink the blood-flavored Kool-aid. What the fuck is up with the mating fever?
• Contrary to what humans think, the world doesn’t smell new after a rainstorm, it just smells wet.
• Find a woman willing to get fucked by fangs alone. Does it work? Are they long enough to reach that “special spot?
• Don’t make deals when coming down from cumming
• Never piss off today who you want to fuck tomorrow.
• Turn off phone before bed so I don’t get shaken awake like it’s fucking earthquake.
• Find out what likes to eat centipedes.
• Know when to keep mouth shut at obvious innuendos
• See if possible to grow a goatee
• Popping a female’s cherry is apparently some life-altering event. Reminder to rub it in every chance you get.
• Don’t drive girls into insane screaming rapture in the middle of the bar. Apparently it’s against the rules here. Who knew?
• Don’t ever try to one-up a woman. She’ll always win. On the other hand, a happy woman equals an ego-stroke
•   Be careful what you bet, especially when your sexual life is on the line. 
•  Am I the only belly button bandit in the world?
•  I've done my fucking job if you're gasping , shuddering, crying out beneath my fangs and cock regardless of me coming.
• Orgasms are a form of payment, so I guess this means I AM a manwhore.
• Never quitting my night job!
• Nice guys don't finish last, but in the ass